The Power of Wise Love in Parenting
“For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother.Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.’” - Proverbs 4:3-6 NIV
We can all agree on this one simple fact, right? As parents, we all want the best for our kids. We want them to grow to be happy, successful, and fulfilled. But how do we make that happen? The answer lies in wise love - a balance of love, discipline, and trust in God's plan. Using Proverbs 4:3-6 as our guide we see a father telling his son to love wisdom and she will be his guide to a good life.
We can only get wisdom from God through growing a relationship with him by talking to him and studying His word. Only then we can have a good relationship with others.
We have to have a right standing with God first so we can love others better. This is what calls for when he tells us to live lives of righteousness, Matthew 6:33. We can't truly love others unless we have the wisdom of God and we can't have wisdom without knowing or experiencing God's true love.
What is Love?
In 1 Corinthians 13:4–8, Paul explains what real love looks and feels like. You might have heard this verse read at a lot of weddings, but this passage is more than a verse for marriage. These verses can be applied to every relationship in our lives. When describing what love is and is not Paul uses emotions. Love is patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful, not proud, not rude these are all emotions we might feel daily. It doesn't matter what amazing things you're doing in God's name if what you're doing is not done in love.
Loving someone is being patient when you're waiting for someone to finish their business and you're their ride even if you feel they might be taking too long. It's not grumbling under your breath while you wait.
Love is forgiving others when they say or do something that hurts your feelings. It's not getting back at them because you feel like you deserve justice, Romans 12:19
Love is remaining humble when God does something for you that he might not have done for others. It's not throwing your blessing in others' faces as a humble brag, Romans 11:36.
We should demonstrate the same love Christ showed us when He took on our sins at the cross to give us a chance. Showing love when you don't want to is not easy when we're trying to do it by ourselves. That's why we have the Holy Spirit living in us as our guide.
Learning to Balance Love & Discipline.
Let's face it, parenting is tough. Especially if you're a parent in a blended family.
As Tracy Ross puts it, "Parents struggle to balance love and discipline in their parenting approach."
But finding this balance is crucial for our kids so they can have a sense of safety, security, and self-worth. You might have heard someone say there is no manual on how to raise a child. On the contrary, reading scripture and having faith that God has a plan is and can be your manual. You might have heard someone say there is no manual on how to raise a child.
So, how do we know what good love & disciple balance looks like? Reading God's word, scripture, and having faith that God has a plan is and can be your manual.
Deacon Dwayne, shares, "Faith and scripture have been a lifesaver. They give me a framework for making decisions and guidance on how to be a good parent."
You might have heard someone say there is no manual on how to raise a child. So, how do we know what good love & disciple balance looks like? Reading God's word, and scripture, and having faith that God has a plan is and can be your manual. Always remember that the word of God comes first and is most important when raising your kids in the way that they should go. Let God's word be your guide.
Letting Go and Trusting God.
Nowadays, there are so many things to factor in from cellphones, computers social media, games, school, the internet, and so much more! Where do we even try to begin to teach our children how we should operate in this world?
Being grateful and content with what we have is a good start. Knowing that everything we have comes from God and we are blessed to have what we need is a good stepping block. Though It's just one there are so many more to teach. When things seem to be out of control or there is too much going on in a moment to address all at once...
Remember wise love requires us to let go and trust God's plan for our kids' lives. We know that God is good and His plans for our kids can be trusted. We just have to give him the control and praise.
Brother Jamar said, "Parents must learn to release control and trust God's plan for their children's lives. Trusting God's guidance and plan brings peace and confidence to parents."
Apologize When You Realize Your Wrong.
Our kids will often push us to our limits to see how far we will let them go. You know what they say "Give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile." It takes a lot of trial and error to learn how to love our children in the way they deserve. And in these trials, we may not always be right in how we handle every situation. If we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us, we will realize many times we have not treated our child as God would treat us. In the pain of this realization, we must choose whether to give into fear and excuses or believe in the power of apologizing to our children.
Some people also think apologizing to our children means they could lose authority or respect. When we apologize to our children we're demonstrating to them what God gives to us:
When we apologize, we model repentance before God, 1 John 1:9.
When we model asking for forgiveness, we give our child an opportunity to practice forgiveness. Their willingness to forgive builds confidence their sin can also be forgiven, Ephesians 4:32.
We teach our children how to humble themselves when they know they need to offer an apology, too, Proverbs 11:2.
When we apologize for our behavior we show our child the behavior is not pleasing to God, and direct our child away from it.
Let's show our children that they can come to us when they mess up. The enemy tries to convince us to be quiet or to let the moment pass. Apologizing to our children will build a strong foundation for a flourishing relationship with us, with others, and with God.
Three Keys to Raising Them Right.
Balancing discipline and love - show your kids love and affection all the while setting the appropriate boundaries for a healthy parent-child relationship.
Using faith and scripture as a guide - Love is not just a feeling but a choice. The Bible offers valuable insights into how to love our children well.
Letting go of control and trusting God's plan - As hard as we may try to do our best sometimes our best isn't enough. Wise love reminds us to surrender control and let go. So we can trust God's plan for our kid's lives.
We can show our kids the love and respect they deserve. And as we do, we can trust that they'll grow to be happy, successful, and fulfilled. Wise love in parenting isn't always easy, but it's worth it.
Don't forget what Brother Nnamdi said: "Keep moving forward, remind yourself that you're going to mess up because you ain't perfect, and that's okay."